3 Strategies To Emotional Stress Eating
Over 60 % of Women Struggle With Emotional- Stress Eating!
That tiny cupcake or cookie can serve as a tiny oasis of pleasure in an otherwise stressful stretch of work, homeschooling, or social isolation.
But we all know those tasty treats can’t take away the stress! Most women who struggle with emotional eating feel guilty and trapped afterward, which only perpetuates the “weight hate” cycle.
Don’t worry; I won’t ask you to rid your cupboard of everything but bulk nuts. The all-or-nothing” approach doesn’t work for most women in the long run.
But I will give you three tools to help you make progress, to perfection and say goodbye to the guilt and shame that come from stress-triggered eating.
So… what can you do?
Here are three strategies that can
develop awareness around what triggers your overeating
provide tools to help when your triggers are activated
help you understand that your behaviour around food doesn’t define you as a person
Strategy #1: Go ahead and overeat
Our brains like patterns.
Many of our thoughts, emotions, and actions actually happen on autopilot. They’re parts of sequences our brains know well from years of practice. Those sequences just need triggers in order to take place.
In the presence of a trigger/ food, your brain dictates a given behaviour—like stress-eating—without requiring any conscious decision-making on your part.
The physical sensation of hunger is the most obvious trigger. That stomach-grumbling, slightly shaky, the even-Brussels-sprouts-sound-good sensation is one you can trust to tell you it’s time to eat.
But stress-eating usually comes after other types of triggers, like certain sights, smells, people, interactions and emotions.
For example, you might find yourself hitting the chocolate hard after. Tough conversation. You’re always left wondering how it happened, and why you feel so crappy about it.
The process is so automatic you often don’t have any idea what’s triggering it.
But if you really started paying close attention, you might have an epiphany:
So here’s a crazy idea: Give yourself permission to overeat.
It’s going to feel counterintuitive at first.
Uncomfortable even.
But view it as a learning experience—a necessary step in the process.
How to try it
Next time you get the urge to stress eat, treat it as an experiment.
This process will help you identify triggers. Ask yourself questions like who was I with? What just happened? What was I thinking about or talking about? This will start removing—or at least, lessening—any guilt or shame you feel around overeating.
Often, if you’re “allowed” to overeat, it suddenly doesn’t feel as urgent.
When it’s no longer forbidden, the intense craving for a whole box of cookies sometimes turns into a more manageable desire for just one or two.
So try to observe your experience as neutrally as possible. If you’re having trouble, imagine you’re a scientist collecting data on someone else.
Are there any patterns or ‘aha’ moments that stick out to you?
Maybe you notice your head for the snack cupboard right after getting off a stressful, two-hour-long conference call.
And you realize you’ve been doing that almost every day for… weeks.
It’s possible you’ll have to do this experiment a few times before the trigger(s) becomes obvious. That’s okay.
If this happens, do your best not to obsess about the decision to eat or not eat.
Instead, try to focus on learning more about your own behaviour.
Once you’re aware of the trigger, decide what to do about it. Make notes on your experience.
If it’s something you can avoid, great. (If the smell of baking cookies is too much for you to handle, you could take a break from baking for a while.)
If your trigger isn’t something you can change or avoid, sometimes just being aware that you’re experiencing a trigger can help.
That’ll signal it’s time for strategy #2.
Strategy #2: Create a nourishment menu
Food is an easy way to fill some of these voids we’re feeling, That’s why it’s important to have ideas of things that can nourish you in other ways.
For example, before deciding to eat you could:
Take three deep breaths
Drink a big glass of water
Mentally check for signs of physical hunger
Play with your pet for five minutes
Do some quick stretches
Listen to a favorite song or a few minutes of a podcast
Go for a short walk
Spend a few minutes on housework (like folding your clothes or organizing your desk)
The most effective nourishment menus include actions that line up with your goals and values. They’ll be more likely to offer the same feeling of relief you were hoping—consciously or not—to get from food.
For example, if you deeply value your close friendships, calling or texting a friend could be one of your menu options.
How to try it
You might be thinking, ‘Sure, that sounds nice… but I won’t actually do it.’
And it’s true: The trick with the nourishment menu is that you actually have to use it.
Here are three ideas that might help:
1. Make it as easy as possible on yourself.
Ensure the items on your nourishment menu feel doable and reasonable.
At maximum, they should take you 15 minutes to complete. For instance, a quick journaling session could qualify here.
Ideally, you want to have one or two options that’ll take a minute or less. Like writing down three emotions you’re feeling in the moment (this emotion word wheel might spark some ideas), or giving your partner a hug.
You’ll also want to keep any materials you’ll need handy.
If drinking a glass of water before eating is on your menu, always keep it at your desk (or wherever you are).
If you’re supposed to write something down before you head for the pantry, keep a notepad and pen on your kitchen counter.
If you want to eat a serving of vegetables before having any other type of snack washed, cut-up options at eye-level in your fridge.
2. Put your nourishment menu somewhere visible.
Post it on your fridge, kitchen cabinet, or anywhere else you’re likely to see it before eating. You’re less likely to ignore it if you can see it.
And if you ignore it occasionally, it’s not such a big deal. The key is to get a little bit better over time, not be perfect.
So if you use the nourishment menu once every third time you want to stress eat, you’re still making progress.
For the record, just doing one action from the menu is often enough to break the cycle.
Strategy #3: Take a self-compassionate approach for a change.
Self-compassion is an attitude of generosity, honesty, and kindness towards yourself.
If that’s feeling a little woo-woo for you, bear with us for a second.
Lots of people who deal with stress eating have negative self-talk running through their heads before, during, and afterward.
Some of this might sound familiar:
“Ugh, I’m such an idiot for doing this. Again.”
“I just had to finish the ice cream, didn’t I? Nice work, me.”
But here’s something surprising: “There’s evidence that negative self-talk, the opposite of self-compassion, signals your brain to release dopamine,” says Krista Scott-Dixon, PhD, director of curriculum for Precision Nutrition.
“Dopamine is involved in habit formation and the addiction pathway. So that’s not great. As a result, the cycle of negative self-talk, stress eating, and feeling bad about it can become a never-ending loop.”
(Are you noticing a theme with how our brains work?)
Self-compassion is a tool that can help interrupt that cycle.
What do these studies suggest? That practicing self-compassion can help reduce the “screw it” feeling that happens right before a person starts emotional eating.1,2
So yeah, you can work on your stress eating by being nice to yourself.
Importantly, self-compassion doesn’t mean giving yourself a free pass to eat whatever you want.
Self-compassion is…
Self-compassion is not…
Giving yourself a break
Giving yourself a permanent “get out of jail free” card
Being honest and seeing the big picture
Ignoring your problems
Being kind to yourself
Letting yourself off the hook
How to try it
So what does self-compassion look like in practice?
There are three main elements to focus on:
Mindfulness: This is when you’re aware of what you’re doing, thinking, feeling, and experiencing, but you’re not judging yourself for it.
Common humanity: Acknowledging that you’re not alone—that everyone goes through what you’re dealing with at some point.
Self-kindness: Being generous and decent to yourself.
When you’re about to stress eat, try to interrupt the cycle with some self-compassion and kindness.
Here’s what that might look like:
Mindfulness: “I’m so anxious being cooped up in my house right now. And those chips are really calling my name…”
Common humanity: “That’s okay. Plenty of people have a hard time saying ‘no’ to chips.”
Self-kindness: “Take a deep breath. Whether or not I choose to eat right now, it’s going to be okay.”
It works during and after stress eating, too:
Mindfulness: “I’m feeling pretty guilty right now. This sucks.”
Common humanity: “A lot of people are probably feeling this way right now that we’re all spending more time at home.”
Self-kindness: “Alright, shake it off! So you ate some chips. It happens. That doesn’t mean anything about who you are deep down.”
A key distinction here is that self-compassion isn’t an excuse to stress eat. Its purpose is to help remove some of the guilt you might feel about stress eating.
That’s important, since that guilt can just lead to more overeating. So give it a try. Even if it feels a little squishy at first, it might just be the thing that works. It’s totally normal to be feeling all the feelings right now. And remember: It’s understandable to look to food to deal with those feelings. Food provides us with joy, comfort, and sustenance.
We associate it with good memories, big life moments, and meals shared with loved ones. We might even use food to help define ourselves—in our jobs, cultures, and even relationships. But the more we use food to bury how we feel, the worse those uncomfortable feelings get.
It’s like Robert Frost wrote: “The best way out is always through.”
Is it the easiest path? No.
But it’s the only one that will provide relief. And that’s something we could all use more of right now.
Our brains (and lives, for that matter) tend to work in cycles.
But the stress eating cycle? It’s one you can opt-out of.
Love
Tania
