The Chronicles Of A Healed Woman: An Intimate Look Inside The Journal Entries Of A Woman Healing Her Life & Her Cancer. This is about Radical Healing.
Journal Entry One- Death Sentence or New Life Journey?
Diagnosed Feb.14/2022 Multiple Myeloma and I spent 8 intense month healing cancer, with a combination of Conventional and Non-Conventional Treatments and I landed in Remission eight months later… Today, I am writing you all from my journal entries that I wrote when I was healing my life and my cancer.
“I feel as though I have been “prepping” my whole life for this “Cancering Process.” The consistent preps for fitness competition, the healthy habits, the emotional awareness, the dedication to wellness and education, the dedication to mental health, to exercise, to Integrative and Functional foods (always having a Nutrivore dietary philosophy), having a healthy relationship with my body, fitness, and food, and all of my training in Eating Psychology, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Counselling Psychology, Elite Coaching/Training, Naturopathic Medicine, etc… and an overall RESPECT & GRATITUDE for my body, my mind, and my life.
“I can’t ask “why me” because “why not me?” Cancer often picks the best person, the strongest people to deal with such horrid adversity… I am built differently. I am built to fight, to persevere, to beat the odds, and to teach others resiliency. I am here to teach you to never settle for what someone has told you your life will be like.. I am here to teach you how to get through your own journeys.”
“I do know one thing… and that is, abusing your body with excessive exercise, obsessive negative body image, excessive life worry/stress, not processing trauma, constantly thinking “you’re not good enough” IS CANCER! This can lead down the road to chronic illness of any sort…”
“The buried emotions, stacked behind those feelings of stress ARE CANCER. And, I also know how hard it is to “let go” of those emotions… I know how hard it is to “let go” of the anger, the resentment, the comparison, the sadness, the abandonment, the stress, etc… and to actaully stop in the mist of a spiral to hell to feed your mind with healthy thoughts, and keep yourself in a good place, instead of self sabotaging. I mean really… I have taught these strategies to other people, my whole life! What happened? Why isn’t it working on me?”
“Well, letting go of your “old self,” your old habits and beliefs is very difficult because you become vulnerable to actually feeling safe in the space that you occupy, where your nervous system is on high alert 24 hours a day. In fact, you can’t even function without all that adrenaline pumping through your veins.”
“At so many points in my life, I hated so deeply, the anger was so thick, and the resentment was smothering, but for some reason it kept me going, like a drug. The anger had become my primary emotion because I had been hurt and abandoned so deeply, in my past… I couldn’t even see that I had a “perfect life” and truly I did have as close to perfect as possible. But, what is perfect? There’s no such thing… in my opinion-it’s only striving for excellence that counts. So my life was excellent.”
“I guess what some call it, is a Disney Life. I have an incredible husband, supportive and eternally loving. I have two sons who are seriously beyond perfect, in my eyes. So, what the hell was I complaining about then? We didn’t even have financial stress, but I wanted more, more money, more success, more more more.!!!! We didn’t even have trouble with our kids, but I complained about the chores. I complained about my career, I complained about being a Mom… But being a Mother and Wife are what I love the most. I was just STUCK. Cancer came and kicked me in the ass and told me it was time to LOVE like I knew I could. Love myself and love others.”
“I just thought I had to be somebody else because in my deep green eyes, I was never “good enough” and now I realize that all that matters is the legacy I leave behind in my home, in the hearts of my children and my husband and in the hearts of the people who’s lives I’ve touched the most. My only goal is to teach other woman, that they are worth it, NO matter what happens and that you can still feel beautiful and be healthy, even under the worse circumstances.”
“So not a death sentence, just a new beginning for me.”
Much Love, Tania
